Don't You Subjugate My Jejuneness

If you have a high school degree, then the American Heritage Dictionary thinks you need to know these 100 words. The list ranges from words like impeach (ooo! I know that one!) to tougher ones like lugubrious. I feel like my Linguistics degree definitely isn't paying off right now.

But come on, does a person really need to know all these words? How often do you use supercilious in a sentence when you could just say arrogant? Or quotidian instead of daily? I'll admit, they may be advantageous to know for reading or writing, but that's what the dictionary/thesaurus widget is for right?

The Senior Editor of the American Heritage Dictionary states that, "If you are able to use these words correctly, you are likely to have a superior command of the language." Well, I flat out disagree with that. It doesn't seem like it's appropriate to say you have a "superior command of the language" when a good percentage of your listeners would most likely have no idea what you're talking about if you said, "My quotidian life keeps me quite sanguine."

Mr. Senior Editor, I only have one thing to say to you: It seems churlish of you not to consider bowdlerizing your lexicon due to its chicanery. Take that.

“Please Occupy Us!”

This past weekend while on his European tour, President Bush visited what could be the world’s most pro-American country. Yep, a European country may actually love us more than we love ourselves.

As one of the first countries to send forces to join America’s troops in both Afghanistan and Iraq, Albania has consistently supported American policy. As it happens, they also dig our cornbread names. Bill and Hillary have been a few of the most popular baby names since the end of the cold war and some anticipate a string of baby Georges to spring up due to his recent visit.

Albania went all out in preparing for Bush’s tour of Tirana, the capital. A street was named for him, commemorative stamps were printed and their Parliament passed a bill allowing “American forces to engage in any kind of operation, including the use of force, in order to provide security for the president.”

All that said, it came as a shock to hear that a sly Albanian stole President Bush’s watch right off of his wrist during a walkabout. Bold. Very bold. Although several reports deny this, the video seems to prove otherwise. I would keep a lookout on Ebay.